| I'm the new cancer, never looked better. |
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| 12:55am 20/11/2005 |
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mood:  blank
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let's hear three raucous cheers for Bronchitis. Enormous green pills and cough syrup laced with Codeine. Spending my Saturday night typing nothing of any importance. Because I have nothing. I want something. I'm not sure what. something to fill this heinous void I'm probably just fabricating from sheer boredom. how many personalities can I compress into one body? Atleast my new favorite obsession is coming to town in two weeks. and this time I think it's actually worth it. |
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| inspired by the dollar sign. |
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| 06:16pm 19/10/2005 |
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hey. I don't know if anyone even reads this anymore.
but for those of you who do, here's an update.
-I went back on my meds and I feel absolutely fabulous.
-My best friend moved from Antioch to Santa Barbara, which is relatively close. and I'm going to see her on Saturday and I'm elated.
-they hired me two assistants for the christmas season at work. One is cool, but the other one is a 45 year old crackhead that laughs continuously about nothing, and talks to herself in the aisles. Oh well, it's still cool to be in charge of two whole people.
-We got a new pet. Marilyn is our new bearded dragon and she is awesome. The day after we brought her home we found out she was pregnant and then she laid 21 eggs. They will hatch probably in December. I'm soooo freakin' excited.
-My dad was in the hospital this week. His heart wasn't transmitting messages properly and he had to get a pacemaker. I'm completely devastated. there is absolutely nothing wrong with him. he didn't have a heart attack or anything. I just don't understand it. They had to cut their travelling short this year, so they'll be here on Monday instead of December.
-Coheed is on thursday and I'm going to miss it because i'm such a procrastinator in getting tickets. suckfest.
-I changed majors. again. I picked English this time around because it's the easiest major you can pick that still looks good on paper. I just want to get out of this hell as soon as possible.
that's all for now. |
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| sick of... |
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| 10:10am 01/09/2005 |
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I came home sick from work today. something's majorly wrong with my stomach. everyone keeps saying it's probably an ulcer. I'd rather it not be anything I need to see a doctor about.
So, being the overachiever that I am, staying home sick means doing 7 loads of laundry and cleaning the house. yay me. |
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| ambitious or just plain crazy? |
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| 05:54pm 30/08/2005 |
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school starts tommorrow. good ol' STD-SU. So as of tommorrow I will be working 36 hours per week, plus taking 12 units. whoop-ee. |
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| today... |
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| 04:28am 17/08/2005 |
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"I'd rather be looked over than overlooked." -Mae West |
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| resolve. glorious resolve. |
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| 02:43pm 15/08/2005 |
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music: delirium trigger (coheed+cambria)
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Yes. I have realized how lame I've become. I go to bed at nine. I fall asleep before midnight bowling. I'd rather hang out with my brothers' friends than my own. This new job and recent promotion have definitely changed my life drastically. and maybe it was exactly what I needed.
I spent most of the summer in a hopelessly depressed fog. I snapped at everyone close to me. I lost sight of my goals in life, and backslid into second semester all over again. The pills weren't helping, but not taking them was worse. what little security placebo they did offer was gone. I was blocking out the world and I didn't care who I hurt in the process.
It seemed like this job was the only thing I could progress at. School had no end in sight, and I felt like there was no way that I could ever get any closer to Sean than I already was. I threw myself into "Cost Plus". I exhausted myself, making sure that I was the most efficient at everything.
It had it's rewards, and now I'm managing my own department. They've upped my hours to forty per week. I'm my own boss now, in a sense. I determine what needs to get done, and what my priorities are. I love my job, and everything else has fallen into place. I'm ambitious to take on a full courseload at SDSU. It will be my first attempt at juggling school and work, but I'm optimistic. My mood has changed dramatically, I no longer feel dependent on Wellbutrin. I feel like Sean and I are finally starting the rest of our lives together, and that we relate even more now that we are both working. Every minute I spend with him now is time not to be wasted.
So that was it. The whole time, my bad mood was just rubbing off on everything, and making my whole life seem pointless. I glad it's resolved. It's sad that it had to come with a price. (all of my nocturnal friends). But I'm sure we can work something out.
Grant came over last night to watch the Pamela Anderson roast. It was cool. we all just relaxed together and ate gourmet bean dip.
If anyone's feeling lonely, feel free to give me a call and stop by. Just because I can't stay out until 3 a.m. anymore doesn't mean I don't want friends. |
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| scene haircuts |
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| 03:15pm 11/08/2005 |
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music: crappy world beat music that's stuck in my head
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I am the gourmet golden child. My manager is utterly obsessed with me and my 'skills'. I'm climbing the cost plus ladder. although I don't think it truly gets you anywhere in the end. I'm up for review this week, and it looks like my paychecks will be getting fatter. hoo-ha.
on a sidenote, it seems like all the kids with scene haircuts know each other. like there's only one salon in San Diego county that does those cuts, and they all meet up there on thursday nights and throw bleach at each other. I wish I had a scene haircut. maybe I'd have more friends. |
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| 7 |
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| 03:02pm 28/07/2005 |
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I am leaving tommorrow afternoon for the 2 day drive to South Dakota. Learner's Permit #3 is on it's way, and hopefully third time really is a charm :)
Today started out really crappy. I got promoted at work. I'm the head of the gourmet department now. So i had all this crap to do before I left, but the morning cashier never showed up and I had to cover all day. so nothing got done, and i had to leave a bunch of stupid notes with what to do all over everything, which will inevitably be done wrong. but that's life. I feel better now because I got off early and Kirby walked me home and took me to lunch. So now I know how to get home from work, and another good restaurant nearby. |
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| some stuff |
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| 04:21am 19/07/2005 |
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I'm working the early morning shift at work this week and Sean's in AZ, so I have to take the trolley. I need the excercise, I just hope it's not too creepy. They put this crackhead old lady in my department, and she puts everything away in the wrong place and then I have to go back and fix it when she goes home. I hate her.
We're leaving for South Dakota next thursday. how exciting. but i think it will be cool because my brother will be there, plus Sean and I always have a blast on road trips.
We need someone to take care of the cat, ::wink, wink, JUSTIN!::
i have to take a grammar test on Saturday to get into upper division classes. piece-a'-cake.
when is Grant coming back? I just realized that I don't really have any other close friends in San Diego. |
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| 11:32pm 03/07/2005 |
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pretty fab weekend if you ask me. Sean went to Flagstaff, which had the potential of sucking very badly, but fortunately it didn't.
Friday I woke up alone, finagled Justin into taking me to my super secret beach spot. It was too cold to enjoy, so we vowed to come back Saturday with lots more people. That's when we met "Frankie". Frankie is the most awesome barista everrr. He works at City Coffee on the corner of Santa Monica and Sunset Cliffs, and makes the most wickedly potent iced mochas ever. Clayton met us, we commiserated for awhile, and took the "scenic" route to Lestat's. (no coffee here, just fancy rootbeer). the night ended with WAR OF THE WORLDS, amazing movie.
Saturday. up at 10. out at 11. visited Frankie again for a custom chai-coffee-vanilla-mocha caffeine-loaded creation. By noon we were down the 10 flights of stairs, ambling over rock-piles and mini-cliffs barefoot. Found the perfect spot, camped out, basted and roasted, explored and investigated. beautiful day. spent the last of it in bed watching double amnesia thrillers with my favorite rock star. mmmm.
Today was my first day at work. It was great, but I'm convinced that my 50-something manager has a fetish for barely-legal emo boys. The stores' full of em'! Lucky for me, since I don't get along with girls. I caught on to the cash register like nobody's business. I'm a retail-pimp. 50 countries, one market. Cost Plus. |
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| nick of time. |
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| 08:54pm 30/06/2005 |
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I'm having a breakdown. I keep telling myself he'll be gone in a week, and this mess will all be over. I don't know if I can stand it that long. It's beyond me how anyone can have such blatent disregard for other people. such ungratefulness. such disrepect. |
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| on a whim... |
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| 06:30pm 28/06/2005 |
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MINI-SHINDIG!
8288 Orchard Ave #C, La Mesa
Tuesday, June 28 at 8:30-ish.
be there, bring beverages.
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| so this is what 3:17 is like, alive. |
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| 03:11am 26/06/2005 |
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mood:  awake music: vermillion, I think.
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so I'm sitting in my living room, digesting my first cup of coffee in six months. Justin and Sean are enthralled in some early-nineties Sega game. Nick and Gracy are reading books that I'm sure are far more interesting than the Stephen King drivel I forced myself to stare at until page forty. Liz is holding her double tall funky-monkey with whipped. I'm shaking with boredom. Gracy offered to play with me...I'm going to take her up on it. adieu for now. |
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| new developments |
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| 08:34pm 23/06/2005 |
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mood:  anxious music: weird techno crap
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just had a weird day. I got in a semi-fight with our new "roomie". i'm over the manipulative ungrateful crap.
i spent the whole day cleaning and doing sit-ups while watching "Sports Illustrated Swimsuit model search" marathon. very relaxing. plus it made me self conscious about my appearance which is always good (seriously.)
Sean is on his way home. I'm happy. hope he notices all the work i did on the house. he's been great lately.
and since it's been 2 weeks and I think the withdrawals are over for the most part, I'll make my big announcement to everyone: I'M OFF MY MEDICATION! I think I'm doing okay. I've had a few slip-ups, and the manic cycles are terrible, but the depression is not nearly as bad as i thought it would be. probably something i can live with.
more later. |
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| out from the depths... |
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| 05:14pm 20/06/2005 |
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mood:  accomplished music: The Best Is Yet To Come (Frank Sinatra)
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I feel so accomplished. I just spent 4 hours at Grossmont Center, job hunting. I took the Trolley there all by myself, and applied to almost every store that wasn't food-related. My bets are on Cost Plus or Pier 1 imports. they're both basically the same store, and both were very impressed with my experience and availability. Keepin' my phone close, and my fingers crossed.
I have to get a crown tommorrow. Lets hope they don't want to schedule an interview while my mouths' still numb and I'm talking like I have down's.
Sean has a show in Fullerton on Friday. I get to go unless something else comes up. I'm excited. It'll be the first show with Jason in awhile though. I think I miss Matt already. BOWLING TONITE AT 9. Nick and I are getting there early to reserve lanes. |
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| apart, meant. |
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| 06:04pm 30/05/2005 |
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mood:  ecstatic music: Everything is Alright (Motion City Soundtrack)
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A lot's happened since I last updated. (and since I don't have internet at the moment, I have an excuse). I turned 19, got my grades back from spring semester (3.1 GPA, baby!), And moved out with my best friend. The summer really is looking up. I thought I'd be homeless, unemployed, and lonely. But now I have my very own apartment, many opportunities to find a job, and a super-warm bed buddy. So, I guess I'll describe the place, since it might be a while before it's presentable enough to have people over. It's a one-bedroom with a huge bathroom, brand new carpet and tile, an awesome kitchen and roomy living room. There's three closets, each big enough to stand inside. I guess that makes them "walk-in closets". It's in the nice part of La Mesa, and I love it so much that I want to scream everytime we unlock the front door. I love life right now. |
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| fuck birthdays. |
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| 03:21pm 23/05/2005 |
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mood:  crappy music: the silence of an empty house.
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This was officially the worst birthday in the history of my existence. I'm spending it alone, at my brothers' house (they aren't even home). I have the worst toothache ever. The dentist can't see me until tommorrow. Sean is gone to Hollywood, recording a new single for Pensive (who, by the way I absolutely loathe right now). Last week he said he'd find a way to see me on my birthday, and I smiled and nodded, but I've known for a month that I wouldn't see him today. I knew they'd do everything in their power to prevent it. And I was right. Atleast I wasn't dissapointed. also, I'm frantically trying to pack up all of my stuff, and take all of the furniture I want out of my parents' storage trailer, and frankly, most of it is just too heavy for me to lift by myself. Only two people called me today (not including sean), but I was actually very happy that it was the two people I care the most about. So yeah, I wish I hadn't wasted a birthday on today, because crying isn't how I envisioned celebrating. |
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| rock and roll dance party, part 2 |
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| 05:04pm 16/05/2005 |
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music: some substance (mason lindahl)
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I just figured out how to post pictures on here. I'm so proud of myself. Today. photos, tommorrow, the world.
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sorryforcrying's journal